As I write this I have one full hour until it is my birthday. My 35th birthday. That birthday. I think we all must have that age and that birthday that throws us for a loop. That age we reach that we never thought would really come. That age where we would feel this way or be that person or have that thing. 35 is that age for me because that is the age where my life will change forever. Things are about to get real, real serious. I am working on a blog post called My BRCA Journey (My BRCA Journey Part One http://ankahler.blogspot.com/2015/12/my-brca-journey-part-one.html). I should be done with it in the next week. But in short, I am BRCA positive, and am having the recommended by age 35 prophylactic surgery in the next couple of weeks. This will change my life, forever. I have made this decision over and over for 8 years, but somehow now that I am here it seems as though the years have flown by and all of the sudden we are here. In this moment.
For this moment, where I am still 34 and things are still the same, I will take a moment. This year of being 34 has been one of survival. I have done very little growing. But my roots have grown deep and I feel the earth surround me. I have become grounded in so many ways. I emerge from this year feeling comfortable in who I am, and what I am. I strive for more, take every opportunity to reach for growth, and ponder on areas for opportunity. But if all I can do is survive, I'm OK with that. I am OK with me.
In my new year I look for peace and grace within myself. Grace to not hold myself to an unattainable or unrealistic set of standards. To have goals but also to allow time for freedom. To allow space for life to unfold, perfectly unplanned. I pray for a continuation of faith and eyes wide open see and experience blessings and miracles. I wish for patients and unending streams of gratefulness. Happy 35th Birthday ... Relish it!!