Sunday, June 23, 2013

Cheerios Everywhere and Other Revelations

When I was a young single woman I prided myself on keeping my home and things in "perfect" order. I loved needing something and being able to retrieve it instantly, and in perfect condition.  I would look at those Moms at Target who would open the door to the mini van and Cheerios would fall out, and secretly mock them, thinking that will NEVER be me.  I have learned never to judge others because it dooms you to turn into that which you judge.
Now as a mother of two small children I often ask myself "How did we get Cheerios there"? as I change my 8 month old sons diaper.  Just the beginning of many mysteries that go with being a parent.  It is a beautiful day outside, I am sitting blogging and enjoying the rustle of wind through the trees, the smell of summer and the slight bit of sunshine hitting my left shoulder.  Where is my almost three year old you ask?  Outside playing with the homemade sidewalk paints (thank you Pinterest)
Or playing in her own water table extravaganza I created?
 Oh no, she's on the couch covered up with a blanket watching cartoons!  Awesome parenting!  Let ye be judged!

I am trying to live the best life I can, model the best behavior for my children that I can, and do the best for them that I can.  That is all that we can ask of ourselves, right?  I am sure that this self induced guilt that I feel for EVERY decision I make and every day I live, will indeed last until the day I die.  But I am truly doing the BEST that I can. I felt guilty yesterday for taking most of the day to spend on ... ME!  But on the other side of the coin, what healthy behavior am I modeling for them that I take time for myself?
I am working towards completing my very first (and maybe last) Triathlon at the beginning of August.  I have been pretty worried about the open water swim portion of the triathlon.  The event creators also hosted a camp for Tri newbies.  Although it was more money than I wanted to spend, had to rearrange my already difficult schedule and spend a good portion of the day away from my family, I chose to go.  It was AWESOME!  We got to work with some fabulous coaches and triathletes.  I hung on every word they said and learned so many amazing things.  The biggest thing I learned?  I sell myself short often!  I think we all do, and I am nothing special.  What I am truly capable of and what I believe I am capable of are often two different things.
I was standing in Cherry Creek State Park Reservoir yesterday with a group of amazing women, all shapes, sizes, ages, capabilities and from all walks of life, being coached by a women who just completed a half Ironman competition in New Zeland, and I WAS THERE!  I swam, and  did really well, and it felt amazing.  I felt that little feeling that other athletes or people with passions must feel when they are doing what they love.  One of the coaches said that I got bit by the Tri Bug!  I was so excited to be doing something intensely personal, intensely hard, ans at the same time part of this amazing group of women who also where fighting some deep personal battles.  How cool it is going to be to actually do this triathlon and be at this park with 2000 women all coming out to support a great cause and compete against themselves!  I am truly in awe of what an amazing experience this will be.
Hopefully the "perfect" disorder that my house is constantly in, the Cheerios that I find in the strangest places and that dirt on my sons ankle that I wonder is food or poop (equal chances of either) will all be forgotten and the time we spend reading to them every night, the hundredth time we sing wheels on the bus and the triathlon I finish when Mom is 32 years old is the lessons that my children glen.  I'm learning to love my imperfectly perfect life.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Great things can happen...

Just proof to me that many wonderful things can happen in this world if you just get out of your own way.  
We make so many excuses surrounding what is good for us in this world.  Eating well, exercising, meditating, self care, all take so much time and energy that we find ourselves not even attempting to try. Wouldn't it be better to try and even do these great things 25% of the time rather than not at all?  Why are we so hard on ourselves that we must always do things perfectly and 100% of the time?  I am learning that putting intention towards anything, and even attempting to strive towards my goals gets me closer than I have been and sets me up to want do more and better.  Putting just a little bit if effort out comes back 10 fold. 
How many things do I want to be better at in this life?  What can I do today to take a step closer to that thing?  Today, be a better wife!  Date night at home, check!  Better wife, check!  Feeling better about my self, check!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Try a Tri

Well, it's over. My first experience with a triathlon.  I have always thought that completing a triathlon would be really cool, but I really never thought that I could do it. Then this year I questioned "why can't I"? The excuses were pretty lame.  I decided that I needed to quit making excuses in my life and do things I would like to do. What's the worst that could happen, fail? Well then least I would know that it wasn't really for me, and I am not just to afraid to try.

Heath mentioned he and the kids would come and cheer me on. I never invited them, or anyone else, because this really felt like a personal journey within myself, and it never occurred to me that they would want to be there, or that they would be proud of me. That is one of the major shifts in my life this year...external factors are not pushing me, these are all very personal journeys I am on.

So now the monster, the BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal)...a full triathlon August 4th. This is the event that has sat in my mind for years thinking, "that would be cool".  The time to be cool has come.  

Saturday, June 1, 2013

8 - 14 - Life

14 years ago today I went on the first date with a boy who I would later call my husband.  8 years ago today we stood on top of a mountain with a few of our nearest and dearest and exchanged our wedding vows.  Today, we have created a truly amazing , loving, respectful marriage, a beautiful, restful home and a adorable family.  We have a life I am proud to be a part of. I treasure our past, our story, our present (as difficult as it may be somedays) and look into the future with hope and promise.  I look forward to spending the best years of my life with this man, and these two strange and amazing beings we have created.  I look forward to creating a life full of memories and experiences. I look forward to some of the incredible challenges I know are coming with hope in my heart because I have faith that we will overcome valiantly!  He is who I have chosen to be my life partner, and who has been placed in my life to help me realize my potential. He makes me a better person by being himself. He makes me happier and more fulfilled everyday I am blessed to spend with him.  He has made me a woman, a wife and a mother and to him I am eternally grateful! Heath Ryan Kahler I love you and thank you for getting up the courage 14 years ago to call me up and ask me out, and 8 1/2 years ago to risk life and limb to ask me to marry you. I would say yes everyday of the past 8 years and look forward to the next 80!