Monday, July 15, 2013

How bad do you want it...

Yesterday was one of those kind of days.  I met resistance at every step.  It was a day that made me question how badly I want this.
Mondays are my weigh in days.  I have not moved the needle in well over a month and this last week I really felt like I had made some progress.  Boom!  155 lbs, officially halfway through my weight loss goal this year.  Such an amazing way to start the day.  
Breakfast was a challenge, with me questioning everything I wanted to place in my mouth.  I had planned a pj day for the kids and I but I realized that hanging out all day without doing any exercise would not get me any closer to my goals.  So what can I do that allows me to take both kids and exercise simultaneously? I'll go for a jog. But after jogging around the neighborhood for several weeks, I am an need of some new scenery.  
I sought out new path. But, unfortunately we would have to drive there and we did not have the right car to take the BOB. Hmm. Road Bock #1. Problem solve: We can go exchange cars as the Jeep is parked at the park-and-ride. Load both kids up, drive to the park-and-ride. Logan's asleep, check! Get Annabelle out and put into the Jeep, oops! I didn't bring Logan's car seat (One car has a full car seat, the other has the removable infant car seat). Road Block #2. Drive back to the house, get Logan's car seat, turn back around, switch cars, back home to pick up the BOB. Once back to the house I start thinking, should I really go forward with this, or are these signs that I should quit while I am ahead? I want this, I will go! Drive out to the new path. Beautiful! Get the kids out and into the BOB, sunscreen, hats, sunglasses all on. Start to jog, hmm, why is that gate closed? Apparently this reservoir is half closed half of the year for bird breeding. Guess which half of the year it is? Road Block #3! Load both kids, the BOB back to the car. Still determined, seek our new location. When we arrive Road Bock #4 BOTH Annabelle and Logan are now sleeping. Still undeterred, I load them both up in the BOB and hit the path. It was meant to be. It is GORGEOUS!
I didn't have a great run because it was not mid day and hotter than...well HOT! I jogged/walked around this beautiful preserve twice, got close to three miles in and did so with a grateful heart. Look at all of the adversity I faced to get to this place in this time. It really proved to me that I am determined to complete this goal and the days that I am truly not feeling it I need to show myself a little grace because the days that I am feeling it, I get there. I am really looking forward to heading out here several more times and seeing this gorgeous place right in my back yard in the different seasons.

The Hottest Part of the Flame

I did an exercise tonight which I became drawn to the blue part of the fire flame. Is it a coincidence that blue has always been my favorite color? It is the hottest part of the fire. It make me ponder, am I now reaching the blue part of my flame? The hottest part? If this isn't the blue part, I don't know what to expect in the future, because it is freaking burning right now. I have learned that I only do two things well at any point in time. I can only have two main focuses. This is both good and bad. I have SO many interests right now. I would love to delve into each one of them and live richly, but I know myself well enough to know that I can only concentrate on two of them with any intention. My three main goals this year, Healthy, Wealthy and Stealthy are coming along very well. I am currently deep in the blue of Stealthy right now as I am training for my triathlon, which is in...three weeks and counting, gasp! I don't have any doubts that I can do it at this point, my only question is how well? I just want to be able to complete all three legs with gusto and without stopping. My biggest fear is that I will not be mentally tough enough to complete the 5K after the swim and bike portion. I have to work through my feelings about how it will feel to walk or if that is even an option. To prove to myself that I have come this far, and can indeed run a 5K, I completed my first one this past weekend. I did really well, and with the help of a dear friend Robin, I didn't stop and just kept moving forward (thank you Meredith Atwood). Will I be able to have that kind of focus and intensity day of? I hope so. For now, just keep on training! I have also been focusing on Wealthy. We have been working the Dave Ramsey plan for six and a half years and payed off the rest of our consumer debt this spring! YEA! With that we have set some new goals (send Heath through school debt free) which have really caused me to focus on the b-word...Budget. We have, for the past six years, had what I would call a spending plan, but very rarely a budget. I now spend every penny on paper before the month begins. I know the first of the month how much money we have to spend on diapers, food and toilet paper. Going to the store and planning meals for the week within a certain amount of cash is interesting and challenging. Instead of thinking about how much it sucks and how much I would like to just get what we need and not pay attention to cost, I take it as a challenge I need to master. I have been having a lot of fun approaching it as a puzzle. It has really made me question the abundance we have as Americans, and how much do we REALLY need? What a change our lives have taken over the past year. Heath has had an amazing attitude for being part of the ride. I need to work this fall on the Healthy. Once the triathlon is over, and my exercise routine that is now hard wired in becomes a less area of focus and more maintanence, I need to focus on my meditative practice and my spiritual journey. This goal has taken kind of a back burner, but is still much of a focus for the year. I am going to seek out a meditation retreat this fall, hopefully around October. I feel like this is an areas where I can have tremndous growth and this growth will then spill back over into Stealthy and Wealthy. It probably needed to be first in the year, a January and February project, but then we need to approach everything in its own devine timing as well. One thing I have learned for sure is that I am etching out time in my life for, um, ME, and I do not feel guilty about it. I am no good to anyone else in my life if I am completly drained. I could have very well gone to bed tonight with my husband, but I chose to follow my desires and have a Mom date on the back porch. Wine, Candle and my blog. Life is good...GREAT!