Parenthood took me by surprise, and continues to thrill me with
new revelations. I somehow walked into this incredible job without
knowing a thing about how to raise a kid or what all the first 5 years of life
entailed. It has been a "short and steep road to
enlightenment".
One of the activities for my baby shower
before my first child was born was to write out the best advice you could give
a new parent. I still love flipping through these cards because they hold
such relevant sage wisdom from generations of women before me. One of my
favorites came from a very reliable source, my sister, who said "Trust
yourself and your instincts. No matter what other advice you get, you are
that baby's mommy and you know what she needs". I first read this
card when I was nose deep in pregnancy and parenting books and magazines.
The advice is thick in those things. Then for some reason when you’re
pregnant (and even when you have small children) strangers take it upon
themselves to give you countless stories and pieces of advice whenever they
please. It is a world-wind of amazingly true and great advice and downright
junk!
I have remembered the words of my sister
on countless occasions when I am questioning myself and if we are doing the
right thing. My oldest, my dear sweet daughter, has this innate ability
to calm me when I am having a mommy melt down. It started at my 20 week
ultrasound. A cousin of mine was pregnant at the same times as I was and
was due 2 weeks prior. Her status updates were a constant "What to
expect next" chapter in my pregnancy. We all take for granted that
everything is developing along fine in there up until this point (as long as we
have no major history, healthy weight gain and we can hear the baby's heart
beat). I had passed on all of the specialized tests because I knew in my
heart that the results of those would in no way change how I felt about this
baby or pregnancy. Well my cousins’ appointment didn't go so well, and
there were some major health concerns with her unborn child. Those two
weeks for me were agony! I thought of every single what if, and let me
tell you, since I am a nurse, there were a lot! We walked into the
ultrasound completely afraid of what my doctor could find. The very first
picture that we have of Annabelle in utero is of her giving us a thumbs up,
like "it's ok in here mom, we got this"! She has come through
in flying colors every other time I need a chill pill since!
Today I had one of those moments that I
was at a major crossroads and didn't know what to do. I was trying to
reach out to all of my resources, but ended up having to rely on my gut
instinct. Once again, Annabelle and I figured it out and made the right
decision. It suddenly struck me how true these words are, but not only
for mommy's but for all primary care givers. Whomever that child relies
on to change their diapers, serve their meals, wipe their tears and noses, we
are the ones who know them best. We know every different pitch of a cry,
we know their cry separate from everyone else's on the playground, we know
every look and every expression. I don't know if this connection and
immediate sense of knowing what from what extends past toddler years, but I
have to believe it does. I know my little girl. I know my son.
I know their hearts. I know when they are really sick and can't
tell me, and even when I say I don't know and am at a loss, somehow my
presence, my smell and my simple touch is what they need. It is an
amazing feeling and an incredible honor to be a parent...I just hope that I can
remember this perspective the next time my 2 year old son says "hey mom
watch this"!
