One of those Mom moments

It amazes me when small life moments happen that make you realize everything is worth it.  These little people we call children are truly their own people but also a reflection of their parents.  They aren't always great reflections, or what we would want (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onadP4ELMSQ&list=PL5oPQWgVdsDnf7R5sdSjj9JFP5Yz-dtR9&sns=em ) but other times we realize our kids are cool and really fun to be with.  Today I had one of those moments. 
Most mornings we choose some music to play for the morning.  Our choices are "honkey tonk" "booty shaking" or "children's music".  Today the consensus was "booty shaking".  Well, it couldn't be helped that mom was moving to some great beats.  The kids watched in amazement as mom shook her booty.  Logan is at the height of potty training and the timer went off so we rushed upstairs to sit on the potty.  After I got him set up, I come downstairs to see Annabelle (my shy child) having a dance party by herself in the kitchen.   I wish she hadn't noticed me so I could have watched her dance her little heart out!  I burst into laughter and couldn't have been prouder.  She's a cool kid!
I was pregnant with Annabelle when Pandora first came onto the scene.  It allowed us to listen to music that we wouldn't normally hear on the radio and stuff I wasn't normally exposed to.  Heath and I listened to quite a bit of "Ice Cream Paint Job" radio (https://m.soundcloud.com/klownnz/02-lil-wayne-ice-cream-paint-job-djleak ).  I will still attest today that that child was dancing or more like it "shaking her booty" within me.  Those moves I saw in the kitchen today...all Annabelle!

I take no offense

As you can probably imagine, I have a lot of Facebook friends who are in the medical profession.  I have seen a lot of posts in the last few days regarding a Colorado nurse competing in the Miss America pageant, and now some comments regarding her talent portion.  I had no idea what anyone was talking about so I had to google both, and watched both clips for what they were.  I completely support everyone in their opinions and being offended.  I completely support any one who wants to boycott watching "The View".  I will not stop watching "The View" though because I doubt they would notice a drop in my ratings, since well, I have never seen it. I am also not offended by what Michelle Collins and Joy Behar said.  I think their comments reflect poorly on them, not on us and a profession as a whole.  I think it shows Joy's ignorance around what and who nurses are.  I for one consider the source for whom offensive comments come from.  I choose not to take offense when those opinions come from small people, making conclusions based solely on appearances, from a narrow world view. 

   I am secure in my status as just a nurse.  I feel proud to tell people what I do for a living.  I think the title "nurse" commands some respect in most incidences.  I believe that most of America feels the same way, and that is why we have seen such a backlash.  I get told almost nightly how respected my profession is.  There is no misunderstanding in my patients minds who is holding their hand, toileting them, treating their pain and calming them from their nigh terrors.  

A point that I don't believe has been talked about enough is how amazing Kelley Johnson was for her monologue.  The women of "The View" were making more fun of her "talent" than her as a nurse.  I was glad to see a professional women, compete to the best of her ability to get to such a platform.  She not only showed poise, but wrote something extremely eloquent, heart felt, funny and concise, delivered it to a worldwide audience without stumbling on her words, all in under 2 minutes.  I would like to see more beauty pageant contestants break out of the typical box and do something refreshing and unique.

Although I am not offended, I am very proud of a fellow beautiful Colorado nurse coming in 3rd in the nation.  I am also glad this has all happened.  I love seeing all the #nursesunite. Its about time something gets us as a community all fired up about what we do, and defend our profession.  "I'm just a nurse" minimizes us and I am glad to see us change the language around.  For that I am thankful.  Because that was exactly the point of the monologue in the first place!

10 Years Later

Ten years ago today the man of my dreams and I stood in front of 63 friends and family and took each other's hands in marriage.

I don't think either of us could have dreamed how good the life ahead of us would be. We are some of those rare creators that married life is truly better than single life.
Heath and I complement each other in almost every way. We rarely fight and when we do it would be better described as a tense discussion. We communicate well, we work well together, and we have really learned to speak each other's love language. Above all we are each other's best friends. We both want what's best for the other and often sacrifice our own needs to let the other have what the other needs. Ironically those things are often the exact same thing. We finish each other's sentences and start saying the same thing at the exact same moment. We are that annoying couple.



Heath bought me a bracelet many years ago with a saying I love. "To be rich in love is to be rich in life". We have been blessed with incredible families filled with love, admiration and respect. Both of our families get together often and it is so genuine an outsider wouldn't be able to tell who is blood and who is not.  

We have also been blessed with two amazing children. They are the most loving, kind, thoughtful, smart and hilarious children. We feel lucky to be their parents. They full our life with joy, and the future is so bright with possibilities.




Our house was hand picked for us and has turned into a beautiful home. It does not have the finest of things, but is filled to the brim with the finest of things. It is a restful refuge from everyday crazy life.



Today we chose to spend the day together. We started by family cuddles in our bed.
We made a large breakfast and packed up for a fun filled day.

We took a beautiful hike on a wonderful family friendly trail outside of Boulder. It was fun to stop and look at the flowers, bugs, rocks, and even found some scat and animal print (mountain lion?).

The weather was perfect with just the right amount of cloud cover and breeze. We stopped for a picnic lunch at the trailhead, and enjoyed our peanut butter and jellys with the sound of a stream and the smell of pine.

As our tradition, we revisited our site where we took our vows. Just as it was 10 years ago, beautiful blue skies with snow capped peaks in the distance. I have no regrets about being married in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

Looked like a good spot to revist that wedding kiss!

We returned to Longmont and went to a new place for dinner. We had some great food and enjoyed some sweet company. Great way to cap the end of the day! 

I am so grateful for this amazing life that keeps unfolding in front of us. I can't even imagine what may lay ahead of us but can't help being excited by all of the possibilities!

Happy Anniversary honey. I love you so much and am so grateful to you and for this life! 

Habit Vs Willpower

I read a cool quote not to long ago.

"The more things you can make into a habit, then the less you have to drain yourself using your willpower"
Gretchen Rubin

This quote really struck a nerve with me. I am constantly striving to make things into habits, so that I don't have to make sure I get them done each day, just one more thing on my to do list. Rather, I want to crave doing things.  I want to crave exercise and feel cruddy when I don't get it.   I want to eat healthy, crave kale, and want to want to eat less. I am finally getting into a habit of morning yoga/stretching and meditation. It is usually the first thing I do when I get up, and I do crave it now. I do absolutely notice the days that I don't get my practice in. This insight gives me hope that the more attention I give to having several healthy habits on my to do list each day will someday turn into a habit.

Being That Person

I remember being a little girl and cuddling with my mom and how comforting that was. The smell of her hand lotion, the way she held me, the way she stroked my hair and back. Even if all was wrong with the world, or if I was horribly sick, somehow her presence was the best feeling in the world.
It struck me as I was putting my kids down to bed tonight and they were fighting over me to cuddle with them, I am that person to them. The way I comfort them, my smell, my presence is all comforting to these little beings. That is so powerful. I am that person to them. No matter how much I get frustrated, yell or mess up, they still want me and I am that person to them. Wow!

We Count

"Whatever coaxes us out of hiding, to write, record, and express, is a revolutionary act. It says that we believe our lives count: our lives do count." SARK

I came across this quote in my meditative reading this morning. It struck a deep chord with me. For a good portion of my life I knew I mattered to others, but I didn't count to myself. My journaling and this blog has really developed over the past few years and that is exactly the time frame that I have started to count, to me. I do things that are good for me, I put myself as a priority and make my voice heard because I and what I think and feel does matter. It matters to me! I'm not special, I don't deserve special treatment, but I count!

An Ode to Parents...

Parenthood took me by surprise, and continues to thrill me with new revelations.  I somehow walked into this incredible job without knowing a thing about how to raise a kid or what all the first 5 years of life entailed.  It has been a "short and steep road to enlightenment".  

One of the activities for my baby shower before my first child was born was to write out the best advice you could give a new parent.  I still love flipping through these cards because they hold such relevant sage wisdom from generations of women before me.  One of my favorites came from a very reliable source, my sister, who said "Trust yourself and your instincts.  No matter what other advice you get, you are that baby's mommy and you know what she needs".  I first read this card when I was nose deep in pregnancy and parenting books and magazines.  The advice is thick in those things.  Then for some reason when you’re pregnant (and even when you have small children) strangers take it upon themselves to give you countless stories and pieces of advice whenever they please.  It is a world-wind of amazingly true and great advice and downright junk!

I have remembered the words of my sister on countless occasions when I am questioning myself and if we are doing the right thing.  My oldest, my dear sweet daughter, has this innate ability to calm me when I am having a mommy melt down.  It started at my 20 week ultrasound.  A cousin of mine was pregnant at the same times as I was and was due 2 weeks prior.  Her status updates were a constant "What to expect next" chapter in my pregnancy.  We all take for granted that everything is developing along fine in there up until this point (as long as we have no major history, healthy weight gain and we can hear the baby's heart beat).  I had passed on all of the specialized tests because I knew in my heart that the results of those would in no way change how I felt about this baby or pregnancy.  Well my cousins’ appointment didn't go so well, and there were some major health concerns with her unborn child.  Those two weeks for me were agony!  I thought of every single what if, and let me tell you, since I am a nurse, there were a lot!  We walked into the ultrasound completely afraid of what my doctor could find.  The very first picture that we have of Annabelle in utero is of her giving us a thumbs up, like "it's ok in here mom, we got this"!  She has come through in flying colors every other time I need a chill pill since!

Today I had one of those moments that I was at a major crossroads and didn't know what to do.  I was trying to reach out to all of my resources, but ended up having to rely on my gut instinct.  Once again, Annabelle and I figured it out and made the right decision.  It suddenly struck me how true these words are, but not only for mommy's but for all primary care givers.  Whomever that child relies on to change their diapers, serve their meals, wipe their tears and noses, we are the ones who know them best.  We know every different pitch of a cry, we know their cry separate from everyone else's on the playground, we know every look and every expression.  I don't know if this connection and immediate sense of knowing what from what extends past toddler years, but I have to believe it does.  I know my little girl.  I know my son.  I know their hearts.  I know when they are really sick and can't tell me, and even when I say I don't know and am at a loss, somehow my presence, my smell and my simple touch is what they need.  It is an amazing feeling and an incredible honor to be a parent...I just hope that I can remember this perspective the next time my 2 year old son says "hey mom watch this"!